low point pt. 2

last night after my blog post/rant, i was having lots of chills and feeling generally ill.  i woke up again today with super severe joint pain, worse than before.  unfortunately i had to get up early and go moderate a panel at work when i was having radiating pain even swallowing or talking.  i came home mid-day and slept, and then went back to work for only an hour.

the pain is really getting to me mentally as well as physically.  i actually broke down crying this evening because i'm so fed up and exhausted by it.  i'm feeling that loneliness and desperation again (that no one else can understand my woes) i felt when i was the marshmallow-zombie on halloween.  i'm also feeling like i'm falling behind at work and i wish i could be recovering faster.  i'm aware that i'm being melodramatic and egocentric about this, but yo, i'm human.

i called my surgical residents today to inform them about my substantial pain problem.  i need to keep track of my temperature because it's possible i might have an infection in the joint.  my temperature seems normal now though, thank goodness.  google provided me with the lovely info that infection can completely destroy the joint.

i decided to keep my rubber bands on because more stability = less open mouth = less pain.  i'm scared though, because i'm supposed to have my rubberband hook/screw things taken out on friday, so i won't have that support to rely on in less than three days.  never thought i would LIKE my rubberbands and gums screws, hahaha.  :)  of course though, i have to start opening my mouth sometime here, just prefer it can be with far less pain than what's up now.

for now they just advised me to take my temp, go ahead and leave the bands on, take ibuprofen steadily, use warm compresses (so glad i got my jaw bra with hot/cold packs) and massage the muscle around the joint.  it just occurred to me that the 600mg of ibuprofen i'm taking constantly would keep my temp down, right, but i guess i would have other symptoms of fever still?  hmm.

please send me positive healing vibes! hugs and thanks for reading.  this blogging outlet is really helpful to me psychologically and i'm glad i did it. :D