my low point

monday morning (10/31) was probably the worst pain/discomfort i will endure in the recovery.  luckily i made this little video report to capture the moment.  i was waiting outside because the cold felt good on my face.

i seem more upbeat in the video than i actually felt.  i was having that depression, alone feeling, why me, no one understands, is it ever going to end, that desperation most people seem to get when recovering from surgery or illness.  

when i went into the doctor's clinic, i almost had a nervous breakdown when they were making me fill out intake paperwork with questions i have already answered many times.  at this point i was muttering stuff like, "am i experiencing pain???  what do you think, you just cut my face up, you idiot clinic" etc.  also, i was getting a lot of side glances and wide eyes from passersby and some questions - "what happened to her?" a lady asked my mom with trepidation.  

happily, the doctor did remove my head bandage, while warning me that my swelling was going to balloon as a result.  and he was correct.

the head bandage actually has left me with continuous pain in my left eardrum which i am (and the doctor seemed) a bit concerned about.  you can see my lips are really a mess.  i've been slathering them with bacitracin as per doc's orders.  i guess they are so hurt not only because of the post-surgery general swelling, but because during the operation they were stretched so much for so long.  yucky! the surgery was all conducted from the inside of my mouth.  the one side of my face is more swollen than the other because they did extra work (lower jaw bone shaving) on the extra swollen side.

after my doctor appointment we waited for a new prescription for pain meds (the first was liquid - i've had a hatred of liquid medicine since childhood).  i sat on display for the public to examine for a while longer.  in this picture with my mom i seriously tried to smile, but obviously that was a fail.  i feel like i look a little like the cat lady plastic surgery victim. 

then we made the one hour drive from b-more to a-town, my old stomping grounds.  i slightly enjoyed some fall color on the parkway. i won't get that back in el paso.