reflection

i am very glad i had this surgery.

two months out, i don't regret the stress or suffering a darn-tootin' second!  (despite all my boo-hooing on this blog.)

it is so wonderful to have my bite be straight and to have my teeth touch down nice and even on both sides.  it used to be clamping hard-pressure on one side and gaping nothingness on the other side. this is hard to describe poetically. it's fantastic, but not something you would appreciate or notice unless you were inside my head or had dental training.  :D

also i am quite happy to not have my jaw slope down a lot on the one side; it makes me feel less self-conscious.  over the past years, i developed the habit of cracking my knuckles up against the lower side - which actually started with me trying to "push up" the jaw and bring the open bite together.  now i'm trying to rid myself of that pointless behavior, but when i do it, i am pleased not to feel a chin bump anymore.

i'm eating more and more like a normal person.  i was a bit overzealous and indulged in a massive amount of chewy bread last night and am paying for it with sore joints today.  but, am really getting there back to regular old existence.

i should be doing some firm massaging to loosen up where my chin and my bottom lip meet and the place where my top lip and my upper gum line meet (the scar tissue at the suture site is tight which restricts my lip closure).  i'm also supposed to do some stretches to make my mouth open wider.  the places where my jaw was broken have begun to re-fuse together and will continue to grow stronger, but i will remain blingy with my metal plateing unless i develop more infection.

it's so crazy to think about what all happened to my lower skull....

this year i had some big changes, namely a move across the country to a place where i didn't know a soul, a new job requiring a lot of skill set development, and of course this major facial surgery.  

i an extremely appreciative that i had the means and support to make it all happen.  these changes will improve my life for the rest of my days!

happy new year everyone!

recent me

eight weeks!

today marks eight weeks from my surgery.  thank goodness i'm feeling great now!  i'm starting to actually officially chew my soft foods with my actual official teeth - and even chomping some christmas chocolate.  :)  also i can brush all the planes of my teeth with a normal size toothbrush.  you know how my joint pain was bad on the one (left) side, well interestingly now its the other (right) side that hurts when i open my mouth too wide. perhaps it's a no pain no gain situation.

slowly but surely i'm definitely getting closer to normal.  it's so slow that i sometimes think i'm stagnating, but then i realize there is steady snail-pace improvement. yes yes y'all.

still definitely a ways to go.  i tried to eat veggie chili with a lot of beans in it but the beans were too tough and big for me to handle.  also i ate some cold tofu salad and then like 12 hours later dislodged a whole piece of tofu that was hiding in back of my mouth.  i was like WHAT IS THIS?  i guess i don't have all my sensations inside my mouth back yet either. still numb in the one part of my lip and chin, and my upper gums.

my spirits are gay, tis the season. :D

the fame monster

so i was looking at the stats for this blog and saw people are getting directed here from google images.  my warped countenance is now found under keywords "crooked jaw"  AND "swelling of jaw rejection of metal plate."  (who the heck googles for pictures of that latter term? only me, lmao!)  my ticket to stardom is finally here. i shall be immortalized as CROOKED JAW GIRL!

long time no post

to any faithful blog readers, i know i left you high and dry for a while. today is seven weeks post-op!

in the past 10 days i basically did not feel like writing.  so i didn't.  this was my selfish vehicle to start with so i can selfishly not write too.  :P

but, here i am, alive, and much closer to well!

during my absence, i have been struggling with my infection, fighting those pirates hard.  but the past two days i've been really feeling better.  my writer's block has ended and i am optimistic that recovery waters are SMOOTH from here on out!

i'm eating soft food regularly, which is very enjoyable.  mostly the same things, oatmeal, mashed potatoes, eggs, and pasta.  AND milkshakes.  not the healthiest, but hey it's temporary.  counter intuitively, i am noticing more weight loss on my soft food diet than the liquid.  i theorize this is because i eat the soft food kind of slow and deliberately cause my jaw is lame.  thus don't end up consuming so many calories as drinking stuff, which is easier going down the hatch.  i just can't take the ensure and soup anymore!

feedback indicates i'm looking much better in the face. and i agree.  took this last friday (six weeks post-op).  it's blurry but gives you an idea.

pho attempt

well, i basically only ate the broth with a few noodles, but it was still excellent.  in addition, i've managed to eat the following since i first broke the seal with that mac and cheese: over-easy eggs, pancakes, mashed potatoes, cheese omelet, more mashed potatoes, oatmeal.  so awesome.  bring on the weight regain - i heart food!

still run down fighting my infection but i'm gonna kick its butt soon!  i better anyway.  what we hope to avoid is having the metal thing become 'colonized' with bacteria, which means it gets so saturated with infection that it creates a protein force field that makes it immune to antibiotic intervention.  (clearly that is my loose paraphrasing of what the surgeon said. i picture the bacteria as pirates taking over the metal ship.)  presently, i have to keep the incision made on friday open, so it can keep draining, by sticking a pointy syringe in it and irrigating it with this medicated mouthwash i have.  blurgh! :P

some screws loose

screw removal was far easier that i was fearing.  i did get local anesthetic so that was a big relief. all i felt was a little sensation of movement, no pain.  and of course there was not blood streaming out of the wounds like i thought haha.  the inside part of the screw is actually much shorter and thinner in diameter than I had anticipated from the outside part so the wounds aren't too big.  evidence exhibit A:

yea, sorry a bit gross, those are my actual screws with little bits of me on them.  so screw removal was all fine and dandy, but the swelling on the side of my face had continued to get bigger in the last day and it was clear there was something going on.  it was actually perfect timing that i had this appointment.  because it turns out i do have an infection.

although the first suspicion of infection was in the left joint where i had the severe pain, the infection is around the metal plate that is holding the two parts of my lower jaw together on the right side.  in the worst case, i will have to get my hardware removed once my bone re-fuses together.  apparently sometimes peoples' bodies just are like, "heck no i do not accept this metal as part of me."  i am in the lucky 4-5% who get such rejection-infection.

so i also had another procedure where my surgeon cut the inside of my mouth at the infection site (with local) and forced some of the pus out.  holy schneikies that hurt so much.  it was agonizing cause he kept pushing on the swelling from the outside with his hand pretty hard and it was so tender (couldn't anesthetize that).  but obviously it had to be done and my swelling is a lot better.  i asked the nurse how much pus they removed and the official measurement is "a lot."  this is a pic of me post-procedure.

now i'm on antibiotics and will go back again on monday for follow-up.  i hope my body will surrender to the metal without more fight.  the thing i'm happy about today: i slept last night sans rubberbands (obviously as i no longer have screws) and i woke up with only mild pain in my left joint as compared to that crazy searing pain i've experienced on the other attempts.  woooooo!!

my crooked jaw again

dude, so i haven't posted a pic lately so it's hard to compare, but today i woke up with a back-with-a-vengance swelling on my jawline (the side without the joint pain).  the outline of my lower face above isn't a trick with my hair.  what shall tomorrow bring?

mac&cheese maverick

three items of interest (to me anyway)

1) tonight i experimented and made some specialty kraft mac and cheese - parmesan alfredo flavor.  my back up plan was to blend it up with some milk to drink but i had another idea in mind: tasting some solid food!  i was able slide in one or two macaroni pieces between my teeth at a time, mash it with my tongue against the roof of my mouth, and then swallow.  it was absolutely fantastic tasting and my stomach was very happy.  technically i should be on a liquid diet through december 9 (6 weeks from surgery) but the reason for the liquid diet is to keep me from chewing and overusing the jaw.  so i think it is ok i cheated because i wasn't chewing. :)

2) i was doing my over-curious googling again and found that the procedure to remove my screws is done without anesthesia (no general nor local) and using a SCREWDRIVER.  whattttttt.  nasty nasty.  i will endure this barbaric act on friday.

3) in better spirits and in less pain today.  if you sent me positive vibes, it must have worked!